How Marriages Disintegrates

How Your Marriage Heads for Break-Up

76 ways on How the marriages dis-integrate – MANY POINTS HERE too are applicable in other types of relationship + 30 Tips on Creating a Romantic Marital Relationship

In many marital relationships – big things seldom are the cause of break-ups – rather the small, unnoticed things that make their way in and start destroying – what could have been a wonderful relationship.

  1. Not recognizing that – this relationship needs to be given priority
  2. Getting pulled down by the demands of your family members – which reaches unhealthy levels
  3. Lack of Communication and expressing themselves
  4. Lack of Personal-space
  5. Lack focused-being-together-time
  6. Stress because of financial issues, professional turbulence etc
  7. Psychological and emotional baggage from other relationships
  8. Not recognizing that your marriage is not about You vs. Him/Her – It is about We vs. Me
  9. Being Unforgiving by holding on to our hurts for a very long time. Forgiveness is not about excusing the other person - it’s about freeing ourselves to heal and live
  10. Not having healthy boundaries* or having very Loose Boundaries:
  11. Holding on to other's Past mistakes
  12. Dishonesty, lying, infidelity  
  13. Ego because of personal insecurities – due to feeling inferior to your spouse/romantic partner
  14. Trying punish her/him
  15. Giving Silent Treatment to hurt other deliberately
  16. Keeping MUM to avoid addressing issues openly - Expressing yourself to your partner — especially when there's a conflict — is crucial
  17. Not seeking help from your partner during your personal crisis - healthy couples allow their stress to pull them together, by relying on each other, sharing it with one another, and carrying the load together.
  18. Not expressing your needs
  19. Not explaining your feelings
  20. Not seeking to resolve the misunderstanding
  21. Ignoring the danger bells – till they become SIRENs and irreparable
  22. You have is nothing left to say – as you both are shutting down - There are times in a disagreement where nothing is getting accomplished, no common ground exists and you've reached the point where you're beating a dead horse. This is the point where you retreat
  23. Not responding in time – when your realize your partner is breaking apart – because of your grudge
  24. Using Silence to control
  25. Constant nagging on minor issues
  26. Using emotional blackmail tactics to gain what you want
  27. Lack of Attention - Attention is an important aspect of communication in relationships. Nowadays people are hiding in their smart phones
  28. Not recognizing the Body language of your partner
  29. Listening - without offering solutions – ONLY being there for her[If you are a male]
  30. Asking too many caring questions OR telling him what to do[if you are a woman]
  31. Not recognizing your partner's anguish
  32. Not approaching your partner When your partner is feeling low and down[If you are a male]
  33. When your partner is feeling down - trying to squeeze it out of him through expressing lots of concerns for him [if you are a woman]
  34. Reacting to their emotional triggers immediately – without seeing or focusing on the bigger picture
  35. Unable to see things in right perspective – but as per your glossy perceptions
  36. Choosing a wrong time – to bring some issue
  37. Trying to win every argument – instead of having discussions
  38. Realizing that you could be wrong
  39. Not apologizing
  40. Using absolute expressions – like - You always, you never
  41. Assuming your partner knows about everything you expect in this relationship - without Letting him/her know
  42. Not bringing out uncomfortable or uneasy and nagging issues openly
  43. Not Listening to understand - but to reply
  44. Not knowing the art of reading between the lines
  45. You stop looking at each other for support
  46. Yelling And Screaming
  47. Total indifference
  48. Apologizing Too Much
  49. Speaking In Absolutes and using many Shoulds" And "Shouldn'ts when telling something or blaming
  50. Making Assumptions
  51. Not Accepting and supporting her/his Repair Attempts
  52. Harboring bitterness
  53. Not talking about sexual desires
  54. Fear of Intimacy
  55. Stop creating surprises for each-others
  56. Taking him/her for granted
  57. The relationship becomes more about you than we
  58. Not sorting and talking over Money-Matters
  59. Losing Your Independence - Skipping me-time
  60. Assuming you know everything about each other
  61. Staying mum about minor annoyances
  62. Waiting for special occasions to express love
  63. Repression and passive aggressiveness
  64. Trying to read mind of the other
  65. Reading and inferring their Emotions into what is not there – without verifying with him/her
  66. Commanding, ordering and controlling
  67. Overgeneralizing small issues into larger ones – without any base
  68. Not taking care of ourselves
  69. Not nurturing the relationship in an pro-active ways - people NEED to feel loved and respected, appreciated, accepted, and worthwhile. It’s not an option.
  70. Belittling in public or private
  71. Making others feel Guilty by playing victim
  72. Not realizing the power of interdependency
  73. Poor Conflict Resolution Skills
  74. Hitting Below the Belt
  75. Not Respecting Boundaries
  76. Having Unrealistic expectations from your partner

30 ways How to overcome the aforesaid and many other hindrances in meaningful and deeper relationship - The Purpose of Communication in Relationships – is to

  1. Have discussions NOT arguments
  2. To bring all that is troubling you – without inhibition
  3. Other to know and understand you better and vice-versa
  4. Examine perceptions, feelings, ideas and thoughts AND to come to an accurate understanding each other's emotional and mental states AS WELL AS Needs
  5. Unilaterally disarm by giving up your need to be right – understanding that You are not going into a battle that you have to win
  6. You have a right to let your partner be aware of all of your thoughts and feelings
  7. Challenging and verifying your own assumptions, perceptions about him/her, the situation etc
  8. Using I statement
  9. Not to attack – BUT – to listen openly without any prejudice
  10. Reveal feelings that are embarrassing or humiliating -Without dismissing your irrational feelings them as being inappropriate, immature or meaningless
  11. Making effort to talk about the feelings that you would much rather skip over
  12. The feelings that you fear will cause you embarrassment or humiliation should you disclose them – without having the temptation to defend yourself by becoming victimized and righteous
  13. This is not about how you shouldn’t be hurt or disappointed.  It is just about the simple truth that you are hurt or disappointed, and that it is causing you emotional pain
  14. Reveal your personal wants - People often feel embarrassed to talk about what they want
  15. Sharing your personal wants that come from deep down in you and what makes you feel the most vulnerable* - like - I want you to complement me, I want to be affectionate with you etc
  16. Having a conversation* with the decency and respect with which you talk to anyone else.
  17. Listening to Your Relationship Partner - Listening is not about you.
  18. Developing compassion and empathy for your partner
  19. Determine Reality with Your Relationship Partner
  20. Using Non-verbal Communication to make your partner understand you AND that you understand them
  21. The realistic Great Expectations to have [for couples from each-others]
  22. Expecting Your Relationship to Improve
  23. Understanding, accepting and taking appropriate action for nurturing the relationship together
  • Expect to Be Loved
  1. Expect to Discover Difficult Things About Each Other
  2. Expect to Discover Even More Difficult Things About Yourself
  3. Expect Your Relationship to Change
  • Expect Sex to Get Better and Better
  • Expect to Be Bored Sometimes
  1. Expect to Have Doubts Sometimes
  2. Expect to Face Tough Times Together
  3. Expect to Be Together, Forever

READ How We Kill Our Important Relationships in 

Should You End Your Relationship
Identifying and Getting Rid of Toxic Persons and T...


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Saturday, 06 March 2021

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