How to get yourself in the right mental and emotional mindset before removing toxic people from your life

68 tips on How to get yourself in the right mental and emotional mindset before removing toxic people from your life

Getting someone with whom you have formed deep attachment – is not only difficult and painful BUT also going to take lot of time for you to overcome the grief, the pain, the regret, the sadness, the trauma and the attachment – EMOTIONALLY – even after you have managed to cut the physical ties that is why the following points have Action Steps to create the right understanding and accepting few Truths to create a mindset for getting-over and moving on

• 1.Don't Expect Them To Change – as they would never do that
• 2.Understand that many of these disorders are progressively deteriorating ones – they will become worse – and only way you can live a life which is satisfying is to run away and cutting off all relationship with these people
• 3.Toxic people are always driven from and motivated by their own complex problems as well as their agendas - and not by what is good for them or for their relationship with you
• 4.Accept that even if you are the care-giver and can't walk away from them – the MOST IMPORTANT PRIORITY for you is to take care of yourself
• 5.Identify what is maximum you are willing to do for them and maximum limit of what you will tolerate – without feeling stressed or losing yourself in this impossible maze*
• 6.Learn and practice Assertiveness* - check my 8 videos on assertiveness
• 7.Identify, Establish And Maintain Clear Boundaries*
• 8.Give some serious thought to what you want and don't want from your partner, your family-members, your colleagues and your friends.
• 9.When you get a sense that something's not right in your interactions with someone - go through your mental personal-boundary checklist and enforce these boundaries deliberately and rigidly.
• 10. Identify recognize and consciously work-out how you will prevent yourself from getting Pulled and su*ked Into their self-made Crises
• 11. Toxic people will make you feel that they need you - using drama deliberately in order to attract more attention and engage in their game of manipulation
• 12. Understand that you are not dealing with a genuine person in distress
• 13. These are the people who constantly want our attention just for the sake of getting attention -They are not helping us develop and grow, they are just doing the opposite
• 14. Don't spend much of your time reflecting on and trying to understand a toxic person's negative behavior - as they can su*k away all your energies even when they're no longer in your life
• 15. When you find that this toxic person is trying to exploit your flaws, weaknesses and mistakes to use them against you – immediately accept your weaknesses – to remove the power they may drive from your resistance and justification
• 16. Understand that they toxic people are actually projecting onto you the parts of themselves they don't want to acknowledge or accept so that they can pour all their suppressed self-hatred into attacking you - it not your sh*t it is their sh*t
• 17. This their way of avoiding, facing and accepting the truth about themselves.
• 18. Toxic people often throw tantrums when they feel ignored - because you're stopping them from being able to control or manipulate you.
• 19. If you resists They may increase their tactic on a very-very aggressive level [when you assertively ensure that you don't get affected by their increased pressure] - but eventually being insecure - they will look for another victim to satisfy their needs.
• 20. Never fight in their own territories – they will beat you hands down – as this is their unique talent sharpened by their constant practice on multiple victims – in their professional, social, personal and family life
• 21. Learn to not to give in - in when their toxic-behavior escalates, and instead remind yourself that you are doing yourself a favor and also ensuring that these people understand that their old behaviors will no longer work – with you anymore
• 22. Ensure that you choose your battles very carefully as all the Conflicts with toxic people requires huge amounts of energy and time – till you know how to disassociate emotionally with these people - don't try to engage them at all
• 23. They have unfathomable energies when they find you acting the way they want
• 24. You must have people around you who are your genuine well-wishers. Surround Yourself With Healthy Relationships
• 25. IDENTIFY their TOXICITY - Toxic people are manipulative and selfish They're difficult to please and impossible to work with, even when you're trying to help them and they will consistently make you prove yourself to them
• 26. BE FIRM Be very, very clear with the person about your intentions, then keep the necessary distance to make sure your message isn't misconstrued.
• 27. DON'T BE TOO NICE - It may sound harsh, but since toxic people tend to take advantage of any kindness that's imparted on them, being overly nice can be detrimental
• 28. REALIZE IT'S NOT YOUR JOB TO SAVE THEM
• 29. Accept that it might be a process – it takes times, a lot of efforts and preparation and sometimes outside and expert help
• 30. Don't feel like you owe them a huge explanation
• 31. Talk to them in a public place
• 32. Block them on social media
• 33. Also understand that removing toxic people from your life can be deeply painful, as you may deeply care for some of these people in spite of how difficult they were and how much they harmed you
• 34. Treat this as equal to losing your loved ones through death and separation – read my blogs on how to handle breakups and move on in relationshipandhappiness
• 35. Do not expect to ever hear the word "sorry" from a toxic person's lips, as they are emotionally immature and therefore incapable of introspection and taking ownership of their mistakes.
• 36. For the toxic, self-obsessed person, the only beauty is in the I, Me My, Mine, Myself of them. By acting as a crutch for their toxic behavior, you become just as toxic.
• 37. Understand that There are people who need a helping hand in the world -There are people that deserve it. When you come across them, help them. Help them by choice, not obligation.
• 38. But never help them forever. Teach them to help themselves.
• 39. Who makes you a better person and who makes you a worse person?
• 40. Take responsibility for your decision to walk away.
• 41. The worst thing you can do is be weak about it. The worst thing you can do is be passive-aggressive or pretend like you're not really ending the relationship. Step up and be straight.
• 42. It's not your job to change another person so don't bother with a soapbox speech.
• 43. Very often, when you eliminate a negative person from your life, you will feel better.
• 44. Understand that leaving them is not unethical in any way – it does not make you a bad person
• 45. Acknowledge the truth about the relationship - Be as direct as possible -Let the person know you don't want to see them again
• 46. Find ways to fill the void – by creating a newer list of activities and pursuits
• 47. Accept that you will feel like hell – and that you have to live with uncomfortable feelings till you are able to
• 48. Identify your role in toxic relationships - . Give it time to heal
• 49. Replace negative habits with positive habits*
• 50. Learn to handle regrets* and Learn to let go*
• 51. Get rid of souvenirs and all that reminds you of them
• 52. Have faith that life will be good again
• 53. Embracing New Things – new people, new groups, new hobbies, new cultures, new friends, new experiences, new knowledge, new skills
• 54. Change your environment
• 55. Give yourself a makeover
• 56. Meet new people – socially as well as professionally
• 57. FIND WHAT YOU ARE LACKING THAT IS KEEPING YOU FROM LEAVING
• 58. Understand that It's better to be alone than in bad company.
• 59. Understand that Toxic relationships often become abusive ones
• 60. Tell trusted family members and friends about the situation, including that you plan to leave
• 61. Work on your self-esteem*
• 62. Save money
• 63. Cut off communication with the toxic person
• 64. Take the time you need to heal
• 65. Work on yourself before getting into another relationship
• 66. Understand that the toxic people are very hard to leave - If you try to leave a toxic person, things might get worse before they get better – but they will always get better - Always.
• 67. Stop Waiting for Your Partner to Change and come back to you
• 68. Accept That It is going to Hurt for a very long time – especially if you are the empathic one and got attached to them very deeply – because of their charming ways

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Don'tExpectThemToChange, LearnAndPracticeAssertiveness, EstablishAndMaintainClearBoundaries, OvercomeGriefPainRegretAndSadness, youarenotdealingwithgenuinepersonindistress, trytoexploityourflawsweaknesses, immediatelyacceptyourweaknessesandmistakes

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