People who have been hurt deeply AND especially those who hold on to these hurts, traumas, pains, scars for long – HURTS OTHERS BADLY, DEEPLY AND CONTINUOUSLY.
They hurt those people more – who are closest to them.
Sounds unimaginable and downright ridiculous – that the person who has felt pain and suffered herself/himself – how can that person give pain and hurt her/his closest ones.
11 reasons How and Why people develop deep emotional-insecurities
- 1.If they have always been insulted, belittled, humiliated, beaten-up for small excuses AND have received little love from their family – this is one of the factors
- 2.They have had traumatic, abusive, violent marriage
- 3.Let me give you a simple exercise – take any very-light weight thing in your hand – keep the hand and hold it just like that.
- 4.If you hold it for few seconds – nothing major will happen, if you hold it for few minutes – you will feel sensation of pain or discomfort and if you hold for hours in the same position – you would have got major sprain AND if you hold for days – it will require major surgical procedure.
- 5.Similarly – those who hold on to their pain for long [even long after the reason for those traumas, loss, nightmares, pain and sufferings are over] – needs major treatment and therapy.
- 6.Some of them actually keep living their past-experience through active visualization.
- 7.Many of these people develop – deep insecurities, fears, anxieties, profound mistrust and many such subconscious attitude and behavior patterns.
- 8.As a result they develop personalities which fall in the categories of anti-social disorders and other treatment needing psychological issues.
- 9.If they are submissive – they may become passive-aggressive WHICH is by far the most dangerous person to have in your close relationships.
- 10. People in our life who are insecure can make life tough for us - but they also end up creating hell for themselves because of aforesaid insecurities, fears etc.
- 11. If your own self-confidence level is low and you have someone close to you who is highly insecure – thy may leave lasting wounds in you too
63 Signs of highly emotionally-insecure people
- 1.They have very low self-esteem, self-worth, self-confidence
- 2.Because of the above the insecure person may feel psychologically incompetent or feels threatened anyone questions them about their work or their action
- 3.Surprisingly the insecure people are unable to internalize compliments, praises and recognition – even if it has been given to them on continuous basis
- 4.On the other hand – they take everything personally – even jokes which is not directed towards them – they will twist it internally so that it makes them feel that person joking has attacked their dignity in public
- 5.They constantly need reassurance that they are loved – because this factor cannot be handled by encouraging them time to time – as they need to hear this on every day basis
- 6.Their need for validation, recognition, appreciation, recognition is so high – that if you give them all the time but miss on a few occasions – you may invite their wrath in most unexpected ways
- 7.The life of people around them becomes pathetic – as all the time praising them, reassuring them, telling them that they love her/him etc. – without any reason – is kind of impossible on everyday basis
- 8.In fact they drain the energies of the people who are closest to them OR anyone who happen to support them
- 9.At work, they need to look more competent and skilled others – so they may play politics, backbite, take credit of other's work and efforts and also bulldoze others
- 10. Even their children may have harrowing time as – because of their own insecurities and feeling-inadequate – they put unnecessary constant pressure to make their children - outperform their classmates, teammates and socially etc.
- 11. These people will rarely acknowledge the positives in others
- 12. Getting them to give constructive and meaningful feedback could be impossible
- 13. If you receive rarest-time compliment or appreciation – it would be wise to become alert. They normally don't feel the need to acknowledge, appreciate or recognize anyone ALTHOUGH paradoxically they need it from everyone
- 14. Yes negative comments you can expect – without even asking for any
- 15. They become expert in fault-finding – to cover up their own faults, weaknesses etc.
- 16. Insecure people acquire – a habit of finding excuse to lash out at others [this was their subconscious defense mechanism when they were going through pain in the past BUT now it is part of their persona] - this is only so can they can distract others from or avoid looking their own imperfections
- 17. They hold grudges
- 18. They can hold anger for years against you
- 19. They just are unable to let-go, forgive and move-on
- 20. They keep dragging their long-gone past into their current and future relationship
- 21. Their subconscious urge to cause pain in another person may stem from underlying internal insecurities manifesting in verbal or physical aggressiveness
- 22. Many times they become jealous of the happiness and success of their closest ones – especially those who stand-by with them and support and help them
- 23. For them their needs are paramount – others need they may not recognized AND even if it conveyed to them – they may just ignore that or give a mere lip service
- 24. They Tell You They Love You All The Time (And Expect You To Say The Same In Return)
- 25. They Can't Take Any Constructive Criticism
- 26. Their need to control - insecure people may have over whelming desire to control the relationships
- 27. Their need to always be right and never be proven wrong
- 28. Bouts of Anger or Frustration
- 29. They everything as a criticism and jumps straight to being defensive
- 30. They read far too much into innocent statements and will accuse you of intending things which were never meant
- 31. They can be extremely Jealous
- 32. Their compliments are often disguised insults - Bullying and belittling are part of the arsenal of an insecure person
- 33. To make themselves feel better they try and make others feel small.
- 34. They may make you Feel Guilty Or Insecure – even if the mstake is theirs
- 35. They Overreacts
- 36. They throw many types of tantrums
- 37. Their every Problem Is Someone Else's Fault
- 38. You can't expect to have an honest discussion – without their feeling bad and punishing you with closing the communication
- 39. They encourages Failure – as the insecure people don't know how to succeed - So they love to see other people wallowing in failure
- 40. They struggle with intimacy.
- 41. They panic easily
- 42. They feel as if they are being attacked all the time – so their defense mechanism works all the time
- 43. They invent problems where none exists
- 44. If you find yourself with a toxic person -Distance Yourself and Put Your Foot Down
- 45. They take offense when it is not intended
- 46. They get pleasure in offending Others
- 47. They can put down people under the guise of giving them valuable feedback – which will be nothing but negativities
- 48. They also Put Themselves Down
- 49. They Really, Really, Really Want Everyone to Like Them
- 50. They Talk about their problems in situations where they SHOULD NOT be talking about their problems
- 51. They expect your partner to read your mind
- 52. They live in fear of judgement on every minute basis
- 53. They avoid meeting new people – they have very few friends
- 54. They always feel as if they are stuck in the Middle of a Challenge
- 55. They are not honest with themselves – meaning they create a mask of self-image
- 56. They are scared to go deeper and face themselves
- 57. They live in a world with denial
- 58. They can't trust others – because they don't trust themselves – so they are suspicious of everything that others do it for them
- 59. They can create the worstest scenario – even if everything is going smoothly
- 60. They feel uncomfortable – if things are going well – then they make every effort to self-sabotage that phase
- 61. They love being pain and victim mode – as this is something that they have grown comfortable with
- 62. They live is world of fiction and are not rooted in reality
- 63. They miss out on the best of life – although they have every reason to feel blessed – they make themselves feel miserable
36 Tips on How to handle insecure people without going insane yourself
- 1.It is not always possible to avoid people who possess insecure traits and behaviors, so what do you do
- 2.Start by managing your own feelings - Don't Take it Personally - When Someone is Insecure - It's Not About You
- 3.Don't kill yourself for their momentary pleasure
- 4.Learning to safeguarding yourself from emotional damage
- 5.Discover yourself – develop faith in yourself, identify your values and your positive beliefs
- 6.Learn and practice Assertive meaningful and practical effective ways to communicate when your beliefs and values are challenged
- 7.Establishing Boundaries when Dealing with Insecurity
- 8.Focus on self-care and your own physiological and psychological needs like love, esteem, individuality, reaching our full potential
- 9.Focus on self-development -getting someone else to change their behavior is much more difficult than changing your own.
- 10. Help them to see the good in themselves - by reminding them of character traits they possess that you value
- 11. Let them know you care -If you are dealing with someone you love such as a family member- let them know you are there with them and will support them
- 12. Also tell them that you will do everything possible to work with them to improve the relationship
- 13. Actively listen to them and provide the right suggestions- only - if they ask for your opinion
- 14. Don't Tell Them They're Wrong
- 15. The best way to encourage somebody to feel better about an insecure situation is to give them concrete evidence of their own worth
- 16. Help Them Find the Roots Of Their Insecurity
- 17. Reassure Constructively and keep yourself from losing yourself – without becoming a person who gets drained ONLY because he/she is continuously boosts them over and over again,
- 18. Ask what practical things you can do together to make them feel more worthwhile
- 19. If you want to someone close out of the reassurance-insecurity vicious-pattern – give them something that they can look at feel good about themselves – so that you don't have to exhaust yourself regularly
- 20. Stop Them when they Start Comparing Themselves or get into a negative self-beating mode
- 21. Notice Their Patterns
- 22. Don't Let Their Issues Become Your Issues
- 23. Don't Be Afraid To Ask tough Questions
- 24. Understand that you cannot change anyone at all AND it is neither your responsibility nor capability to fix others
- 25. Make sure you are clear on your own well-being, self-care and values as well as limits - and - what you are willing to allow as well as what you are not
- 26. Clearly express how you feel every time they change their mind or when they are not clear about their feelings- to let them experience or feel the consequences of their behaviors, actions and words
- 27. Never take responsibility for their actions - The problem is the other person, not you
- 28. A confident person does not doubt, let alone drag others into their channels of insecurity and personal dilemmas.
- 29. If you think that you are wasting your time, get out of there.
- 30. If you appreciate that person, make them see what consequences their behavior begets, but always in a constructive, open, and firm way.
- 31. Help them Identify the source of the problem together – AND – get their commitment whether they are willing to change AND will take your support
- 32. Don't put-off uncomfortable conversations - It's not your fault he/she is insecure
- 33. Keep doing the things that make you -the real you – and make you feel happy
- 34. Have other friends and activities – to let your motivations and energies getting recharged
- 35. Talk with your partner, Keep talking, Touch one another. Touching, embracing, and other physical intimacies reinforce the emotional bond that you share with your partner. space
- 36. Learn to laugh at yourself
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