Tips for Fruitful & Meaningful Discussions
First understand the difference between, discussions & arguments those leads to big fights & may ultimately break the relationship.
What is Discussion
- 1.Is to find out what is right
- 2.Is Not about who is right & who is right and find fault with others
- 3.Is Not about bringing other Unrelated & past issues than the current one
- 4.Taking personal responsibility towards the solution & Finding out roles & responsibilities of both the person
- 5.Working towards finding a mutually agreeable solutions
- 6.Happens with the mind set of respect, politeness, understanding, empathy, love & building plus nurturing long term relationship
Whereas Arguments could be about
- 1.Proving yourself right
- 2.Winning the argument
- 3.Putting down your partner
- 4.Having you way
- 5.Settling Scores
- 6.Blaming & walking away from responsibilities
- 7.Masking your faults
- 8.Feeling good by creating stress for your partner
So how to have a fruitful, bonding relationship building discussions, few tips
- 1.Listen to understand & not to reply
- 2.Identify the issue & the outcome both of you want to achieve through this discussions
- 3.Brainstorm to find out all the alternative ways both of your needs can met in a win-win way
- 4.Identify what you are willing to compromise/give away/adjust with & what is essential. Clarify these. But these too cannot be the ones that makes your partner lose a major thing
- 5.Identify your biases & wrong perceptions & assumptions
- 6.Ask questions to clarify
- 7.Pay attention to your tone of voice, the choice of words & your body language
- 8.Listen to the criticism and complaint your partner makes with open mind
- 9.Apologize if you think you have made mistakes
- 10.Create ground rules & boundaries for this & other discussions in future
- 11.Remember that the other person is your partner & not your enemy
- 12.Do not be sarcastic, mocking & have contempt towards your partner
- 13.Be polite & respectful
- 14.Even if you dis-agree, tell that I dis-agree because this reason. And then find a way to manage this issue
- 15.Choose the time, mood & place carefully. You must sober, you should not have any other pressing needs 7 the place should give enough privacy
- 16.Invite your partner to get the best of discussion
- 17.Give your partner the time, attention & opportunity to express & explain properly
- 18.Do not interrupt unless totally necessary
- 19.Repeat Your Understanding of What you partner said & if necessary Paraphrase to clarify & clear understanding
- 20.Keep summarizing the points you have agreed up
- 21.Listening does not mean that you agree with your partner
- 22.Open to exploring all the possibilities
- 23.Ensure that you too get the same opportune to express & explain
- 24.At the end of discussions, clarify the agreements, the dis-agreement, roles & responsibilities of each other & the action to be taken by each person with the time frame
Once you get into that, never bring out this issue again if both the persons have honored their part of agreement.