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Living with Insecure Romantic Partner

How to deal with Your Emotionally Insecure Partner

People who have been hurt deeply AND especially those who hold on to these hurts, traumas, pains, scars for long – HURTS OTHERS BADLY, DEEPLY AND CONTINUOUSLY.

They hurt those people more – who are closest to them.

Sounds unimaginable and downright ridiculous – that the person who has felt pain and suffered herself/himself how can that person give pain and hurt her/his closest ones.

11 reasons How and Why people develop deep emotional-insecurities

  • 1.If they have always been insulted, belittled, humiliated, beaten-up for small excuses AND have received little love from their family – this is one of the factors
  • 2.They have had traumatic, abusive, violent marriage
  • 3.Let me give you a simple exercise – take any very-light weight thing in your hand – keep the hand and hold it just like that.
  • 4.If you hold it for few seconds – nothing major will happen, if you hold it for few minutes – you will feel sensation of pain or discomfort and if you hold for hours in the same position – you would have got major sprain AND if you hold for days – it will require major surgical procedure.
  • 5.Similarly – those who hold on to their pain for long [even long after the reason for those traumas, loss, nightmares, pain and sufferings are over] – needs major treatment and therapy.
  • 6.Some of them actually keep living their past-experience through active visualization.
  • 7.Many of these people develop – deep insecurities, fears, anxieties, profound mistrust and many such subconscious attitude and behavior patterns.
  • 8.As a result they develop personalities which fall in the categories of anti-social disorders and other treatment needing psychological issues.
  • 9.If they are submissive – they may become passive-aggressive WHICH is by far the most dangerous person to have in your close relationships.
  • 10. People in our life who are insecure can make life tough for us - but they also end up creating hell for themselves because of aforesaid insecurities, fears etc.
  • 11. If your own self-confidence level is low and you have someone close to you who is highly insecure – thy may leave lasting wounds in you too

63 Signs of highly emotionally-insecure people

  • 1.They have very low self-esteem, self-worth, self-confidence
  • 2.Because of the above the insecure person may feel psychologically incompetent or feels threatened anyone questions them about their work or their action
  • 3.Surprisingly the insecure people are unable to internalize compliments, praises and recognition – even if it has been given to them on continuous basis
  • 4.On the other hand – they take everything personally – even jokes which is not directed towards them – they will twist it internally so that it makes them feel that person joking has attacked their dignity in public
  • 5.They constantly need reassurance that they are loved – because this factor cannot be handled by encouraging them time to time – as they need to hear this on every day basis
  • 6.Their need for validation, recognition, appreciation, recognition is so high – that if you give them all the time but miss on a few occasions – you may invite their wrath in most unexpected ways
  • 7.The life of people around them becomes pathetic – as all the time praising them, reassuring them, telling them that they love her/him etc. – without any reason – is kind of impossible on everyday basis
  • 8.In fact they drain the energies of the people who are closest to them OR anyone who happen to support them
  • 9.At work, they need to look more competent and skilled others – so they may play politics, backbite, take credit of other's work and efforts and also bulldoze others
  • 10. Even their children may have harrowing time as – because of their own insecurities and feeling-inadequate – they put unnecessary constant pressure to make their children - outperform their classmates, teammates and socially etc.
  • 11. These people will rarely acknowledge the positives in others
  • 12. Getting them to give constructive and meaningful feedback could be impossible
  • 13. If you receive rarest-time compliment or appreciation – it would be wise to become alert. They normally don't feel the need to acknowledge, appreciate or recognize anyone ALTHOUGH paradoxically they need it from everyone
  • 14. Yes negative comments you can expect – without even asking for any
  • 15. They become expert in fault-finding – to cover up their own faults, weaknesses etc.
  • 16. Insecure people acquire – a habit of finding excuse to lash out at others [this was their subconscious defense mechanism when they were going through pain in the past BUT now it is part of their persona] - this is only so can they can distract others from or avoid looking their own imperfections
  • 17. They hold grudges
  • 18. They can hold anger for years against you
  • 19. They just are unable to let-go, forgive and move-on
  • 20. They keep dragging their long-gone past into their current and future relationship
  • 21. Their subconscious urge to cause pain in another person may stem from underlying internal insecurities manifesting in verbal or physical aggressiveness
  • 22. Many times they become jealous of the happiness and success of their closest ones – especially those who stand-by with them and support and help them
  • 23. For them their needs are paramount – others need they may not recognized AND even if it conveyed to them – they may just ignore that or give a mere lip service
  • 24. They Tell You They Love You All The Time (And Expect You To Say The Same In Return)
  • 25. They Can't Take Any Constructive Criticism
  • 26. Their need to control - insecure people may have over whelming desire to control the relationships
  • 27. Their need to always be right and never be proven wrong
  • 28. Bouts of Anger or Frustration
  • 29. They everything as a criticism and jumps straight to being defensive
  • 30. They read far too much into innocent statements and will accuse you of intending things which were never meant
  • 31. They can be extremely Jealous
  • 32. Their compliments are often disguised insults - Bullying and belittling are part of the arsenal of an insecure person
  • 33. To make themselves feel better they try and make others feel small.
  • 34. They may make you Feel Guilty Or Insecure – even if the mstake is theirs
  • 35. They Overreacts
  • 36. They throw many types of tantrums
  • 37. Their every Problem Is Someone Else's Fault
  • 38. You can't expect to have an honest discussion – without their feeling bad and punishing you with closing the communication
  • 39. They encourages Failure – as the insecure people don't know how to succeed - So they love to see other people wallowing in failure
  • 40. They struggle with intimacy.
  • 41. They panic easily
  • 42. They feel as if they are being attacked all the time – so their defense mechanism works all the time
  • 43. They invent problems where none exists
  • 44. If you find yourself with a toxic person -Distance Yourself and Put Your Foot Down
  • 45. They take offense when it is not intended
  • 46. They get pleasure in offending Others
  • 47. They can put down people under the guise of giving them valuable feedback – which will be nothing but negativities
  • 48. They also Put Themselves Down
  • 49. They Really, Really, Really Want Everyone to Like Them
  • 50. They Talk about their problems in situations where they SHOULD NOT be talking about their problems
  • 51. They expect your partner to read your mind
  • 52. They live in fear of judgement on every minute basis
  • 53. They avoid meeting new people – they have very few friends
  • 54. They always feel as if they are stuck in the Middle of a Challenge
  • 55. They are not honest with themselves – meaning they create a mask of self-image
  • 56. They are scared to go deeper and face themselves
  • 57. They live in a world with denial
  • 58. They can't trust others – because they don't trust themselves – so they are suspicious of everything that others do it for them
  • 59. They can create the worstest scenario – even if everything is going smoothly
  • 60. They feel uncomfortable – if things are going well – then they make every effort to self-sabotage that phase
  • 61. They love being pain and victim mode – as this is something that they have grown comfortable with
  • 62. They live is world of fiction and are not rooted in reality
  • 63. They miss out on the best of life – although they have every reason to feel blessed – they make themselves feel miserable

36 Tips on How to handle insecure people without going insane yourself

  • 1.It is not always possible to avoid people who possess insecure traits and behaviors, so what do you do
  • 2.Start by managing your own feelings - Don't Take it Personally - When Someone is Insecure - It's Not About You
  • 3.Don't kill yourself for their momentary pleasure
  • 4.Learning to safeguarding yourself from emotional damage
  • 5.Discover yourself – develop faith in yourself, identify your values and your positive beliefs
  • 6.Learn and practice Assertive meaningful and practical effective ways to communicate when your beliefs and values are challenged
  • 7.Establishing Boundaries when Dealing with Insecurity
  • 8.Focus on self-care and your own physiological and psychological needs like love, esteem, individuality, reaching our full potential
  • 9.Focus on self-development -getting someone else to change their behavior is much more difficult than changing your own.
  • 10. Help them to see the good in themselves - by reminding them of character traits they possess that you value
  • 11. Let them know you care -If you are dealing with someone you love such as a family member- let them know you are there with them and will support them
  • 12. Also tell them that you will do everything possible to work with them to improve the relationship
  • 13. Actively listen to them and provide the right suggestions- only - if they ask for your opinion
  • 14. Don't Tell Them They're Wrong
  • 15. The best way to encourage somebody to feel better about an insecure situation is to give them concrete evidence of their own worth
  • 16. Help Them Find the Roots Of Their Insecurity
  • 17. Reassure Constructively and keep yourself from losing yourself – without becoming a person who gets drained ONLY because he/she is continuously boosts them over and over again,
  • 18. Ask what practical things you can do together to make them feel more worthwhile
  • 19. If you want to someone close out of the reassurance-insecurity vicious-pattern – give them something that they can look at feel good about themselves – so that you don't have to exhaust yourself regularly
  • 20. Stop Them when they Start Comparing Themselves or get into a negative self-beating mode
  • 21. Notice Their Patterns
  • 22. Don't Let Their Issues Become Your Issues
  • 23. Don't Be Afraid To Ask tough Questions
  • 24. Understand that you cannot change anyone at all AND it is neither your responsibility nor capability to fix others
  • 25. Make sure you are clear on your own well-being, self-care and values as well as limits - and - what you are willing to allow as well as what you are not
  • 26. Clearly express how you feel every time they change their mind or when they are not clear about their feelings- to let them experience or feel the consequences of their behaviors, actions and words
  • 27. Never take responsibility for their actions - The problem is the other person, not you
  • 28. A confident person does not doubt, let alone drag others into their channels of insecurity and personal dilemmas.
  • 29. If you think that you are wasting your time, get out of there.
  • 30. If you appreciate that person, make them see what consequences their behavior begets, but always in a constructive, open, and firm way.
  • 31. Help them Identify the source of the problem together – AND – get their commitment whether they are willing to change AND will take your support
  • 32. Don't put-off uncomfortable conversations - It's not your fault he/she is insecure
  • 33. Keep doing the things that make you -the real you – and make you feel happy
  • 34. Have other friends and activities – to let your motivations and energies getting recharged
  • 35. Talk with your partner, Keep talking, Touch one another. Touching, embracing, and other physical intimacies reinforce the emotional bond that you share with your partner. space
  • 36. Learn to laugh at yourself

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Tuesday, 26 January 2021

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